CAAATS!

I tell ya, these cats are just out of control sometimes. They fight, they claw furniture, they try to make off with your dinner when you’re not looking. So what do you do? How do you put your foot down?

Well, I’m not really sure. I hate disciplining the cats because they’re cute. I can’t yell at them - that would be mean. I’ve heard that a little spritz from a spray bottle works, but even that seems cruel to me.

Lucky for me, Hazel seems to step in and be the parent to Olive more often than not. She’s not afraid to growl and give a nice boink on the head when Olive decides to be bad. Thanks, Hazel. You make this parenting thing so much easier for me.

Now what do I do when Hazel is bad? Man, this cat thing is hard!

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It was a typical evening, about a year ago, and I was hard at work at the greatest job in the world. Cleaning the cats’ litter boxes.

As I knelt over the two plastic boxes of cat … stuff, scooping away, I was convinced that I was alone in the room. I was wrong.

Suddenly, I heard the scuttling of small feet behind me. Naturally, I was startled, so I turned to see what the noise was. I was just in time to see Olive launching off from the edge of the sink, headed toward … nothing in particular.

As the cat sailed through the air, she extended all four legs and made contact with the wall. Her claws extended and she slid downward. The claws made a scratching, screeching noise as gravity pulled her toward … the toilet seat.

Olive hit the seat with a “smack,” and seemed to hang there for a moment, a look of panic on her face. Inevitably, she tumbled further downward into the water below. “Splash.” I wanted to help her out, but I was laughing too hard. After a few seconds of splish-splashing around, she was able to pull herself out.

I can’t explain why Olive thought this was a good idea. It was just a random burst of energy with no particular direction that happened to lead her to the bottom of a toilet. And a starring role in a webcomic.

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